Boatshow Mondayitus!

As I write we are steaming down the Coomera River, the 2012 Sanctuary Cove International Boat show in our wake. As the nouveau riche mansions pass by the cabin windows it gives me time to reflect on this year’s show. Both the number of exhibitors and the crowds were down on last year with most people laying the blame on Greece, global warming, the dollar and Syria. My own personal thoughts are some what compromised by me waking up on the second morning of the show with a raging abscess in my tooth and the right side of my head swollen up like beach ball. Off to the Hope Island dentist I went and returned with more pills than a Surfers Paradise night club bouncer in my pockets. I also endured lectures from the dentist, his assistant and the pharmacist and her assistant, that I must not drink any alcohol for the next few days under any circumstances. So I have spent 3 days in a world of hurt, sitting in the cockpit of the boat with a face like a dropped pie, feeling miserable and dribbling occasionally. People quickly look away, small children scream and hide behind their parent’s legs and all my friends dropped by to offer their sympathy and their latest ‘Joby’s head’ joke. So thank you all.

Of course there is no show without punch, and when the King arrived on Saturday, he found all this to be high comedy and joined in the bagging of me with more gusto than anyone.

So if you were snarled at by what appeared to be the Elephant Man in a floral shirt at the show, I apologize. No sign of Colonel Gaddafi the Chief of Security this year but we still did have some moments with the ‘Pass Nazi’ who stood at the top of the gate. Every time I walked passed him he asked to see mine. And it was not as if my face has been hard to forget these last few days. Some kids who saw my face at the show will be seeing it in their nightmares for years to come.

Each year there is some new contraption from left field on display. The RIB that sprouts legs and can drive on the road (or over a sandbank). A kayak made of clear plastic. An EPIRB with a bottle opener on the bottom. That kind of thing. But this year took the prize for the stupidest toy of all time on display. The ‘Jet Pack Blaster’ is a device you strap to your back, twist the throttle and 2 jets of water propel the ‘pilot’ into the air. There is a 10 metre pipe attached to a little boat that follows you around. The water under the power pack is whipped into a maelstrom, the water jets scream as does the engine in the pump boat that also billows smoke and steam. As soon as they start it up all wildlife with in a 2km radius instantly dies. The guys doing the demo flights wore wet suits covered in logos and helmets with Australian flags and their names on the sides. They look like something from a B grade 1960’s Sci-Fi movie and when they landed they waved to the crowd like they were Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin returning from the Moon. The Jet Pack Blaster was designed by stupid people to be used by stupid people whilst even more stupid people watch. And, at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS EACH, are bought by stupid people. The kind of stupid people who win the lottery and are back on the dole 2 years later.

So apart from the Jet Blaster, the show was pretty much the same as always. One day of showers, one day of rain and 2 days of glorious weather. To the many of you who dropped by the show to say hi – thank you very much and we look forward to seeing you soon.
That’s all for this edition and until next time,
See your dentist regularly.
Cheers Mike Job.

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