Paranoia…..

Dinner time at the Job household is held in the traditional manner. No lounging around in front of the TV watching Bondi chef for us – we all gather at the dining room table each night– with the head of the household at the head of the table. I sit on the King’s right and Jenny on his left. Prince William sits further down the table so he can see his phone, in case his girlfriend texts him. Naturally he must respond instantly to any text – lord knows what could happen to the poor girl if she doesn’t know instantly what he is having for dinner or who said what to whom on twitterbook. We have now passed a new law banning any kind of electronic devices from the dinner table completely. This apparently was aimed at me because the family believe I cannot be more than 5 steps away from my iPad at any time now. This of course is complete rubbish and the only reason I ever brought the damn thing to the table is so that the King and I can yuc-yuc away at some stupid video that one of us has found on the interweb that day. Things like people falling off skateboards, brides catching on fire or a compilation video of great State of Origin fights. Important blokes stuff. But the iPad is mainly produced at the dinner table to end family disputes. Google is the source of all knowledge and has been brought into play to end such recent arguments as ‘Do they have internet in Kenya’. I kid you not! (For those wondering – yes they do – win to me!).

But the recent news that the United States government are monitoring everything we Google has me very worried. I mean that very search ‘do they have internet in Kenya’ must have set alarm bells ringing all over the Pentagon and seconds later a White House aid would have entered the Oval Office and told President Obama himself! Indeed the President is probably right now personally trawling though all my past newsletters. They are almost certainly going to interpret my references to ‘the King’ as some kind of plot to set up an alternate new ‘World Government’. Yikes! Only last night (at the dinner table) we were discussing Julian Assange’s living in exile in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. The King was fascinated by the story. (Ironically he said how terrible it must be to have to stay inside when he and his mates love nothing more than spending a beautiful sunny Saturday sitting in a dark room watching videos of people falling off skateboards etc. etc.) Good God and I googled Julian Assange as well!

What have I done? Now if a CIA agent searches the web by entering three ‘Subversive’ phrases – ‘Kenya’ , ‘New King’ and ‘Julian Assange’ they will come up with just one name. Mine. Men in dark suits and sunglasses are going to grab me off the street, drug me, bundle me into a helicopter, and I am going to wake up in a cell in Guantanamo Bay with my private parts wired to a car battery!

Paranoid? Who’s been saying I am paranoid?

But of course if that doesn’t happen over the weekend end then you can join me on the 5 day practical course starting next Monday as we still have 2 places available. How often do you get to be instructed by an international fugitive? (Except in Pakistan or Afghanistan of course, but those courses aren’t recognised by the RYA!)  Now is the time to enjoy this magnificent Moreton Bay winter weather. We have stand-by places available for this weekend as well so jump on the phone now and grab them whilst they last. We also have places available for the Keppel to Brisbane offshore trip departing Rosslyn Bay on 7 August 2013. Our Day Skipper theory course held over 5 weekends commences next weekend (Sat 22/6/13, Sun 30/6/13, Sun 7/7/13, Sat 13/7/13, Sat 20/7/13 – 9am to 5pm daily).

That’s all for this edition, if you don’t hear from me again, it will be because they don’t have internet at Guantanamo Bay….oh god why did I write that phrase???

Cheers Mike Job.

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