My oldest son got a B+ last week. In golf. That’s right, golf, that bizarre pastime of trying to get a small ball into a small hole, hundreds of metres away, with a variety of different priced sticks….. Now I have calculated that his school fees come to around about $110 per school day. I often wondered if they would just let each child bring the cash in each day and if they miss one, well no charge. It didn’t cost the school anymore!. I mean the teacher had to be there anyway. I am sure there are countries where you can buy a school for $110. So what did we get for our hundred and ten the other day? He spent the day strolling the fairways with other young gentlemen, undertaking a golf exam. What exactly they were examined on, I, nor he, have any idea. Their score I would have presumed, but that does seem a bit unfair, given that some of his mates are quite accomplished at whacking balls. Instead of falling off skateboards and playing pool cricket games of their own invention like normal children, they have been forced by their parents to play golf. A quick glance at the incomes of the top 10 pro-golfers when compared to the incomes of the top 10 pro-skaters show the sense in this pathway even before you  factor in the hospital bills and piercing costs. The photos of pro-skaters show just how great the disparity is. All of them had to buy their baseball caps from the ‘seconds’ shop. They were all the type were the peak has been accidently been sewn on the back.

Perhaps they were examined on their swing, their dress sense and the distance they can whack. I am truly surprised that we didn’t have to fork out for an outfit of Plus Fours in the school colours with matching polo shirt. Every other sport at that school has a specific (and mandatory) outfit right down to socks. Yep socks. Soccer, err sorry, ‘football’ has its own socks which differ from rugby socks. Basketball and volleyball each have their own shorts and I am told different shoes are required for each, despite both sports being played on exactly the same court (or deck or whatever it is called).

It is made of polished wood and they just change the netty/hoopy things around. From my observations they both involve running around, jumping and high fiving a lot, so why it requires different shoes is beyond me. I think I will shortly know. As by not attending a meeting, I got myself appointed to the ‘Volleyball support group committee’. I hope they have only seconded me for my sausage cooking skills, as the only thing I know about volleyball is what I saw at the Olympic Games. Very fit girls in bikinis make hand signals behind their bottoms and they hug each other a lot. Now I think of it, when I was a young fella, I recall peaking at the ‘naturalist’ magazines in the newsagent and they seem to play a lot of volleyball at their camps as well. Not the best choice of sports I would have thought, but I guess touch football could end in tears. Anyway I am sure I will become an expert over the coming months.

Even more concerning is my having to score at a school basketball game tonight. The one sport I know less about than volleyball is curling. And I know more about it than I do about basketball. Of course I have watched it on television and it just appears to be a lot of very tall millionaires running up and down another wooden deck (field?) and, naturally,  high fiving each other a lot. Like golf I understand that they too have to get a ball through a similar sized hole, but there a whole bunch of other guys trying to stop them. Maybe that is what golf needs – one guy trying to whack it into the hole and the other guy using his stick to try and stop him. But maybe that’s hockey…

One sport I do know a little something about is yacht racing and I am even willing to teach you!  We still have a place available to help defend the Brisbane to Keppel Yacht Race trophy this year. The race starts on Thursday the 31st of July and the cost includes the race and two days training prior. Only 1 spot left – so get in quick! We also still have a few places left on the five day course starting on Monday 30 June; and the 5-day intensive Day Skipper theory course beginning on Monday the 7 July 2014.

Enjoy your weekend – I’m off to watch a group of kids in expensive shoes shooting tries…or whatever.

Until next edition enjoy the soccer. Err football.…..


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