Welcome to a very long overdue, yet special Xmas edition of Southern Cross Yachting Enews.
My usual denial of the approach of the festive season has served me well again this year, having only, in the last few days, been forced to accept that it is nearly Christmas. The first hint for me came two weeks ago, as I was spending a quality Sunday afternoon fixing a boat toilet in 38 degree heat. It may have been 38 degrees at the airport, but down below on a Jeanneau 40 it seemed much closer to 45. As I came on deck, completely drenched and suffering heat stroke, on the wind I caught the sound of a band playing in the park, and all I could hear was ‘Let It snow, let it snow, let it snow…’
How is the absurdity of singing songs, about reindeers, snowmen called frosty and winter wonderlands when you are sweating like George Pell in a Bathurst pub, lost on most people?
But then again, we, as a society, are happy to lie to our children that a fat man flies around the world, accessing homes by climbing down everyone’s chimney (yes, even in Queensland where we don’t have one!) and filling stockings (strung up over our imaginary fire places) with gifts. Personally, I was a sceptic from a very young age. The lack of a chimney in our home was a bit of a giveaway, as was the flying reindeer, and the fact that he couldn’t possibly eat a piece of Christmas cake and drink a glass of sherry at every one of the 3 billion households he visited that night. Although, that would explain his obesity and alcoholic complexion.
And why do we need to pretend we are living in the Northern Hemisphere with the spraying of fake snow around shopfront windows. WTF? (What’s That For?)
Maybe this is something the republican movement can jump onto. Whilst they are trying to boot out Queen Liz, and change the flag to something that looks like a grade 3 art project, they could also lobby to ban ‘un-Australian Christmas traditions’. Perhaps they would prefer a ‘non-denominational, non-secular, non-traditional, non-gender specific, happy holiday celebration period’ instead, to more reflect modern day Australian society. Santa will no longer be portrayed as overweight, may no longer be a man, but rather ‘gender neutral’ or ‘gender fluid’ depending on the household he/she/it is visiting. No more hot red woollen suit, instead opting for a high visibility shade of pink, and the reindeer would be replaced with merino sheep or bilbies (under the close supervision of the RSPCA and Sea Shepherd). It would be out with the old traditional decorations festooning the streets, and instead each household could prepare a mock landing area on their front lawn (obviously occupational health and safety would preclude roof landings) with barriers, wind sock and a jolly worded evacuation plan.
Ham, pork and beef would obviously be banned for religious reasons, and everyone’s Christmas lunch must include, vegetarian, vegan, halal and dairy free options for guests.
Favourite Christmas carols will be rewritten to better reflect today’s Australia.
‘Good community leader Wenceslas looked out,
At the BBQ of his neighbour Steven,
Where the craft beer bottles lay round about,
Crisp and clean and even,
Brightly shone the ‘super moon’ that night
Though the heat was cruel,
When a long term unemployed welfare recipient came in sight,
Siphoning cars fuel’
Yes I am onto something here….
My other pet hate at this time of year is shopping centre carparks, but, of course, to avoid that particular horror all you need do is contact us at Southern Cross Yachting, and all your last minute Christmas shopping problems are solved. From the comfort of your own home, you can purchase a gift voucher for any course, charter or dollar amount. Give us a call on 3396 4100 or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org to give the gift that lasts a lifetime (the experience that is; the vouchers last 12 months!). The office will be open until 5pm this Friday.
From all of us here at Southern Cross, thank you for another fantastic year, and may we wish you all a very safe, happy and politically correct festive holiday period and/ or Christmas.
Take care if you are on the water, and we look forward to seeing you all next year.